Dogs are some of the hardest pets to care for, but Americans have proved the furry companionship is worth the financial and time commitment; canines didn’t get the nickname “man’s best friend” for nothing. You can be a dog lover without being a dog person, though, and we’re here to make the distinction once and for all.
These factors separate the fair-weather fans from the ferocious followers. You won’t believe some of the ridiculous things that happen to true, born and bred dog people!
You use your front camera to show your dog what they look like
Everyone takes pictures of their dog, and some people take pictures with their dogs, but only a true dog person gives their pet their close up with the front camera. You know your dog is the most adorable thing in the world, so you just want him to see it for himself. (At least, that’s what you tell yourself while you scroll through hundreds of blurry selfies.)
You’ve received a card for your dog
Everyone appreciates a nice, old fashioned birthday card. But some people really appreciate them for their dogs, perhaps hoping their furry friend will acquire basic reading skills in the near future. If your friends know they’re obligated to celebrate your pet’s birthday in addition to your own, you’ve crossed into dog person territory.
You’ve changed the lyrics of a song for your dog
No, we aren’t talking, “Who let the dogs out.” But if you’re changing the lines of Beatles songs to rhyme with Scruffy, then we have a problem. You get extra weird dog person points if you’ve shared the song with friends or innocent bystanders.
You shield your dog from potential horrors
We’re talking to you, people who cover your dog’s eyes when a horror movie comes on. Have you looked at your dog lately? He’s always smiling. Always. The latest episode of American Horror Story probably won’t change that, and we doubt Fido will notice when the clowns come on.
You bless your dog when they sneeze
This also includes asking your pet how their day was and apologizing when you bump into them.
You’ve created your dog’s human identity
This includes imagining what your dog’s voice would sound like if they could speak and assigning them a dialect. If you’ve given them a favorite color and TV show, maybe you’ve gone too far.
You’ve played dead to see how your dog would react
This is arguably the most ridiculous thing dog owners have admitted to doing. Unless you’ve taught them how to dial a phone, we’re pretty sure they’ll just bark at you or realize you’re not leftover dinner and walk away.
Your friends tag you in dog memes daily
Your friends know that despite their best efforts, they can’t compete with the number one pal in your life. They try to relate, sending you relatable gifs about dogs and videos of Corgis flopping. It’s a valiant attempt, but no image on a phone can come close to the love you feel for your four-legged furry friend.
Any place for a child is also a good place for your dog
If it’s good enough for someone’s kid, it’s good enough for your prized, tail-wagging furry child. We’re talking about shopping carts, strollers, and car seats.
You can’t seem to settle down because no one treats you as well as your best furry friend
If comparison is the thief of joy, then comparing real people to your dog is the thief of sanity. And yet, real people do this. Why go on a second, awkward date with Matt from the bar when Dot is waiting at the door to make you pet her while you watch NCIS reruns? It’s a true Sophie’s choice.
You’ve willingly surrendered your favorite shoes to your dog
Chew toys may cost less, but the look on your pet’s face is priceless when they gain control of your best pair of Nikes. You may even wear the shoes with a rip and tear here, proudly showing your dog’s hard work. A true dog person will also flaunt their dog hair-covered clothing. At least you save money on lint rollers and detergent, right?
You spend more money on their clothes than your own
Between sweaters for the winter months, raincoats for puddle jumping, and PUggs (puppy uggs), the amount clothing you can buy for your dog could rival even the largest Forever 21. While some dogs may not be equipped to handle the cold weather, we have a word for those of you playing doggy dress-up in California; your pet has fur for a reason.
You have pet-activated calling
Digital dog daycares, like PetChatz, allow your animals to respond to a blinking, paw print shaped button that connects them via video chat to your smartphone or tablet. You can even release treats to your dog on command through the device. There’s truly no better way to show your coworkers, friends, and family that you and your pet are literally inseparable.
You fight their battles
Have you been sprayed by a skunk or bitten by an attacker, all in an attempt to keep your dog out of harm’s way? A true dog person will protect their pet at all costs.
At the end of the day, there’s no one you’d rather come home to
We have to admit: Dogs make the most loyal companions. It helps that they’re always down to cuddle, too. So we won’t blame all the canine loving humans out there for always wanting to be around their pets, but we may still judge them a little bit for dressing dogs up in sweaters.